I am a yes-man (or woman). No, not really. I am much better at saying no than my mother, for example. But I tend to bite off a lot. It's a type-A engineer thing.
Today, I had planned on going to the first PTA meeting for my son's school. What's wrong with that? Nothing, right? Except, in the last year, I've found myself the group leader for my quilting group, a manager, a triathlon-doer, and a person doing a host of other things. That all make me really really tired.
Today, after trying to leave work on time, then remembering that I have to pick up the CSA veggies first, I picked up the veggies and then... I got on the freeway and...stopped. In traffic. Because of an accident. As I sat in traffic, pissed off...sat in traffic that took me an extra 20 minutes to pick up my kid. I started thinking. "How did I get here?" I used to be happy. I used to work 30 hours a week, pick up my kid early, go to the park, cook a leisurely dinner. And here I was...running late, ticked off about an accident, thinking about getting home, cooking dinner, and getting to the 1.5 hour PTA meeting by 6 pm.
And I decided to say "no". I picked up my kid and went home. I put away the veggies, then succumbed to my child's desire to play chess. He just started playing last night. Daddy wins. He beat me 2x. I decided that I did not need to spend 1.5 hours in a PTA meeting. Now, maybe it wouldn't be that bad. I go to the quilting meetings, and man, some of those women can go on and on about stuff when you just want to say "get to the point". (One reason why I don't go to the meetings.) I would, in fact, love to be involved in the PTA. To support our local public school, to sell Axxess books to raise money (while I'm not really into coupons for various meals out and things, many of my coworkers are.) But. I just know that if I go, I will be roped into more things that I don't have time for.
So maybe I didn't say "no" to anyone but myself. But it's time I start. Why DID I go back to full time? I pretty much spend 90% of my life pissed off. Mad at people at work who waste my time. Mad at traffic. Tired of cooking and packing lunches. I mean really. I have a food blog. I love food. Can you believe I'm so tired that I am tired of cooking? I used to take so much joy in cooking and quilting.
So. What's next? I don't know. We'll just have to see.