So, it probably doesn't come as a surprise that I often take care of others before myself.
I have a husband, and kids, and I'm always trying to care for them. Cooking meals, reading stories, packing lunches.
I have a full time job, and earlier this year is when I switched from part-time to full-time. Because I felt that it was needed. I had worked hard to build a team (hiring and training many people over the last few years, specifically 4 in the last year). I felt that they needed more time with me. I was planning a way to make it work.
And then, boom. 10 days after I went full time, my team was laid off. A large part of my group, including 3 of the 4 people I'd hired and worked to train. And it only got worse over the next few months. It was kind of a slap in the face "thanks for all that work, but..." (especially since now we are short handed and THEY WANT TO HIRE PEOPLE BACK. And they all have jobs!)
So I decided to take a little time for myself and attend this women's rejuvenation weekend at the beach. It was awesome. Healthy cooking, yoga, stretching. It would have been better if I hadn't been sick. A little cold, I thought. Which turned into...
the sickest I've been in a long time. Bronchitis. Dizziness. I missed an entire week of work. I have been napping 2-4 times per day. I'm still not sure when I will be able to work a full day. Wow, I cannot even explain it. I am now on antibiotics and prednisone. This morning I finished my second nap by about noon. I've been feeling a little better this afternoon. Now, had I not been so stressed and overworked, would it have hit me as hard? I can't really say.
But what I have learned is that I cannot take care of anyone else- if I don't take care of myself. It seems like the last 9 months I've learned that my company doesn't really care about me anymore. I mean, we are just numbers, commodities, not people. I have been spending a LOT of my best time on them instead of myself or my family.
Now, don't get me wrong. I work. I work for a paycheck. I believe strongly in doing a good job and getting paid for it. But that love, that drive for this startup company - it's pretty much gone. I still want to see it succeed. I still will do a good job. But now my health, my family - has to come first.
Wish me luck. I burned up a lot of PTO on sick time this week.