Learning to Take Care of Yourself

So, it probably doesn't come as a surprise that I often take care of others before myself.

I have a husband, and kids, and I'm always trying to care for them.  Cooking meals, reading stories, packing lunches.

I have a full time job, and earlier this year is when I switched from part-time to full-time.  Because I felt that it was needed.  I had worked hard to build a team (hiring and training many people over the last few years, specifically 4 in the last year).  I felt that they needed more time with me.  I was planning a way to make it work.

And then, boom.  10 days after I went full time, my team was laid off.  A large part of my group, including 3 of the 4 people I'd hired and worked to train.  And it only got worse over the next few months.  It was kind of a slap in the face "thanks for all that work, but..." (especially since now we are short handed and THEY WANT TO HIRE PEOPLE BACK.  And they all have jobs!) 

So I decided to take a little time for myself and attend this women's rejuvenation weekend at the beach.  It was awesome.  Healthy cooking, yoga, stretching.  It would have been better if I hadn't been sick.  A little cold, I thought.  Which turned into...

the sickest I've been in a long time.  Bronchitis.  Dizziness.  I missed an entire week of work.  I have been napping 2-4 times per day.  I'm still not sure when I will be able to work a full day.  Wow, I cannot even explain it.  I am now on antibiotics and prednisone.  This morning I finished my second nap by about noon.  I've been feeling a little better this afternoon. Now, had I not been so stressed and overworked, would it have hit me as hard?  I can't really say.

But what I have learned is that I cannot take care of anyone else- if I don't take care of myself.  It seems like the last 9 months I've learned that my company doesn't really care about me anymore.  I mean, we are just numbers, commodities, not people.  I have been spending a LOT of my best time on them instead of myself or my family. 

Now, don't get me wrong.  I work.  I work for a paycheck.  I believe strongly in doing a good job and getting paid for it.  But that love, that drive for this startup company - it's pretty much gone.  I still want to see it succeed.  I still will do a good job.  But now my health, my family - has to come first.

Wish me luck.  I burned up a lot of PTO on sick time this week.